A guy I was dating told me was that I’m not the “ride or die” chick he was looking for.
At first I was offended. How in the hell could he tell me I’m not a ride or die after all the things I have done for men in the past? But then I thought about it and I realize that he’s right. I won’t bail niggas out of jail. I won’t put my life on hold for any man. I’m not anyone’s ride or die and I don’t hold niggas down anymore. I am very proud that I have grown past that phase.
Saving Him Almost Killed Me
“Saving a nigga
I tried saving this nigga
Loving him but he turned on me
Nailing me to the cross he put a knife at my chest
Stealing my organs because inside of his there’s no blood left
Didn’t he know I would have willingly gave my lungs to make sure he had oxygen?
Instead of paying homage to the soul I sold
He left my dead body out in the cold
Abandoning me to fly far away on the wings of his demons”
I remember calling him 39 times but he didn’t pick up. The love of my life. You see I had held him down for over 2 years. Paying traffic tickets, car notes, cashing in my 401k, taking out credit cards in my name, using cash advances, purposely creating overdraft fees with my bank… you name it, I did it.
We were gonna get a place together because he had just got hired at a new job (again). The place we were looking at required a down payment. He hadn’t started his job yet and I was tapped out financially. Credit was shot to hell and I had no savings. But he promised if I could come up with the money he would pay me back once he get his check. So I took out a payday installment loan and I gave it to him. He had errands to run that day but we were suppose to meet back up that later that night. We didn’t.
I called 39 times. I counted it so I know it was 39, but he didn’t answer. I found out days later (through social media) that he had use that money to move out of state with another woman. The entire time I was saving him and holding him down he was killing every aspect of me.
It’s Not Loyalty, It’s Stupidity
If your loyalty is causing you to be disloyal to yourself, that isn’t loyalty at all. It’s fear. And it’s dumb as hell. It is unnatural to not self preserve and when you sign up to be a ride or die, you are signing up for a suicide mission. Why would you willingly hop in the passenger seat with a man driving a hundred miles per hour headfirst into a collision? Be smarter than I was. No man that cares about you would have you on any ride knowing he is living reckless. No man who loves you will put you in harm’s way.
Hold Yourself Down; Stay Grounded
Hold yourself down by staying grounded in that which benefits you. You can’t serve anyone without first serving yourself and making sure you are good.And if you are going to hold a nigga down, be discerning in what that man is bringing to you. Ask yourself, what are you helping him stay grounded in? This isn’t a LEGO® shop so stop thinking you can build a nigga. He has to wanna do that himself.
Hold Yourself Up To A Higher Standard
What won’t you tolerate in your space anymore? Elevate yourself to not settle for being used. Be OK with being alone for awhile until you heal issues that allowed you to put up with that in the first place. Grow from past mistakes and use that shit as fertilizer. If you are holding a nigga down and he is draining you, hold him to a higher standard as well. Love him enough to leave him. Send a clear message that you will not enable that type of behavior and you won’t be apart of his stagnation.
Kill this ride or die shit. Ride and live. Be with someone who isn’t driving recklessly. Don’t overdose on saving man to the point that you forget YOU. No Man is worth the death of your finances, your sanity, or your heart.
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